4. Rocket powered ride to the poop coffee!

July and August are smack bang in the middle of the dry season here so it’s rained for the vast majority of the time I’ve been in Ubud! Rain is fairly common in the tropics regardless of the season so the locals are fully prepared with endless rolls of plastic, tarpaulin and umbrellas that they scurry about placing over their precious souvenir and market stalls. The cafes and restaurants do a sterling trade when we all rush in for shelter. The enterprising locals emerge with copious of bags of rain macs and umbrellas that you can buy ‘for good price’! One afternoon it was so rainy and a little breezy that I even had to put a long sleeved T-shirt over my top to keep warm!

I have continued my exploring and tours. I got up early(ish) one morning to go and do ‘The Campugna Ridge Walk’. I’d researched and checked it all out- they advise getting up to walk up there ready to watch the sunset but I’m not completely mental and not trekking up a hill in the dark either. I left about 7.20am expecting a few hours of walking to the end of the ridge. All the travel blogs and info had advised that it was several hours and quite the distance. I’d packed up my litre of squash, wrapped my phone etc in plastic bags in my rucksack, had my newly purchased rain Mac and bathed in bug spray ready. The trail head was easy to find at the end of the village and off I went round the steps and up then along a pathway. I wasn’t entirely sure how far I would go but had decided I’d walk for an hour and half and would then come back as it would be warming up and I didn’t really want to boil alive in the midday heat.

25 minutes later, I reached a gateway and assumed I’d got to the official beginning of the ridge walk … but it turned out that I’d reached the end and the little village that is there prior to the fields and a building site where they’re mining something or other. The walk was very enjoyable - perhaps even more so for being considerably shorter than I expected. I think the distance and timings talked about were complete loops starting in the centre of town. Less than 2 hours and 4 miles later and I was back! Even at 9am it was plenty hot - and humid at 96% humidity - enough to have been walking up and down hills and exploring so I treated myself to a dip in the pool to cool off - and all just before the torrential day of the day arrived so very well timed!

I’d even added a bit of extra walking to the main trail as I talked briefly to a local who was walking on the path. Initially I thought the giant black bear type animal charging towards me was some hell-monster inbound to mall unsuspecting tourists but once it had raced past and thrown itself on the floor, tongue lolling and awaiting the belly rub the local man was ready to give, I calmed down. The nice man reassured me it was a local dog who’s owner used to live in one of huts along the walk but had passed away and the dog stayed living here getting fussed and fed by passers by. He told me its name was Lulu … but everyone called it Joanie. I wondered allowed if that could be a little confusing for the dog but the man told me it’s after Joni Mitchell… so obviously that all makes perfect sense!?

As I returned to the beginning of the trek and was taking photos of the pretty temple, I saw the local man again and he asked if I wanted to see some other good places to explore. And one thing I’ve learnt from my Mum is that if a local man offers to take you and show you some pretty local places, you should always trust him and go along. Fortunately, the man just pointed me through a gate round the back of the temple, which he assured me I was allowed to go through, and gave me directions to a nice bridge and views of the river and then left me to it. He was either sending me as a sacrifice to another of the local creatures awaiting a meal or he was just being kind. Again, it worked out and he was right as the temple views and river I found were very pretty and clearly the road less travelled so very peaceful.

The next morning, I awoke to more rain, packed up by waterproof boat bag for diving, encased myself into the bright green bin bag with arms poncho that the hotel lady kindly gave me and off I went for another trip - this time an organised one that picked me up in an oversized golf buggy and delivered me to the e-bike tour base! Miraculously, it actually stopped raining especially for my bike tour for the morning. We had a little group, a guide we followed at the front and someone at the back to scoop up any stragglers and we cycled off on what I’m told was a 10 mile trip up and down the hills, the rice fields, local villages, through the actual rice paddies to the rice terrace site and via a coffee place before we returned to base.

Now, it was advertised as an e-bike tour that would help with the hills - and given the hills and severity of some of them, I was thrilled by this. A quick explanation of the bikes prior to departure was pointing out where the pedals, handlebars and brakes were and also showing me a little button that is operated by the left thumb for when I need the extra power! And off we went … straight up a hill and quickly needing to try out the magic button, which it turned out fired up the motor that they’d rigged up. These bikes are just normal bikes that these clever people have adapted to add a motor and a battery so when you press the power, the motor kicks in and entirely takes over the propulsion and starts whizzing the back wheel round. Rather than power assisted, as I expected, we in fact sat on our bike saddles, steered with the handlebars, kept our legs still on the pedals and the magic button did the rest. It was really more of a scooter dressed up to look like a bike. I mostly freewheeled up the heels, using my rocket propulsion and then freewheeled down with gravity and enjoyed the scenery. Once we got to the rice fields and often quite narrow, bumpy and questionable tracks, actual cycling was required as I think any extra power would have immediately fired me off the track and headfirst into an irrigation stream.

Within my tour, we visited one of the many temples that are all over Bali. I learnt that every village will have at least 3 temples as there is always one for each of the 3 Hindu gods (Brahma, the creator, Vishnu, the preserver and Shiva,the destroyer). We also saw a cemetery where it was explained that when someone dies, they are cremated in one of two ways. The first is individually where the body is kept at home and the family prepare it for cremation which takes place within a few days. The second, is a group cremation - which is usually due to the cost. This time, the body is buried temporarily in the cemetery and every 3 to 5 years, once there are enough bodies and usually on a special date in July or August, all the bodies are dug back up - each by their own family. They are then taken back home and the bones (which is all that’s left) are cleaned and prepared by the families and places in some kind of sarcophagus in the shape of an animal. Usually the animal is chosen by the family but will also be dependent on their class so only the very highest classes (most wealthy) have sarcophagi of cows as they are the most sacred. Then all the statues are burned and bodies cremated - by this point, no longer in grief or sadness but huge celebrations. The cremation releases the immortal soul, which will eventually be reincarnated. The Balinese believe in karma and reincarnation will be dependent on each person’s karma from this life. The ashes are collected and scattered at sea as people come from the ground and return to the sea. Our guide told us that the village we were in had only recently had a group cremation and unfortunately, we’d missed it. He did point out the metal frame and burnt scarring where it had been though!

From the village, we went to see the rice fields then up to the terraces, which have been declared a UNESCO world heritage site due to their outstanding universal landscape as a cultural landscape. The area has an irrigation system and communal approach in line with the Balinese philosophy of Tri Hita Karana, which is based around the harmony between humans, nature and the divine. It’s obviously also become a major tourist attraction with an abundance of cafes and view points lining the terraces, helicopter tours over head, a zip line across in one location and a number of swings positioned for photos opps! Nonetheless, the area itself remains a working, farmed rice producer and is utterly beautiful.

The final stop was to a coffee production farm where we were shown the coffee bean plants and the process used to produce the coffee - which included the lawak (Asian palm civit - small tree dwelling mammals) who play the important part of eating the ripest, most delicious coffee beans, carefully fermenting it through their digestive tracts and then pooping it back out. We were shown some of the poop, indeed, it was thrust into our faces as we were told, ‘look, it doesn’t even smell!’. Once the coffee poop is collected it’s then cleaned, prepared, dry roasted and ground and becomes the most expensive coffee in the world at its price per kilo. We saw some of the lawaks - they sleep during the day and are active (eating and pooping!) at night. I am unsure of the ethical-ness of the production although the lawaks are not in cages or tied up but free to roam, which they do at night, always returning to sleep during the day. I believe the negativity around the practice comes from those kept in captivity who have only coffee beans to eat rather than the ‘free range’ animals who roam and have a free diet.

After the tour, we then each got a cup of the coffee to taste; it was served black and even then, it wasn’t too bitter and was surprisingly drinkable. To follow, we also then got a tasting selection of 16 of the other coffees, cocoas and teas (it’s not tea but it’s the produce of various plants and matter steeped in water then served!) to try. We did this while we were told of all the many health benefits the products would bring us. The result of my tasting means I’ll be focused and alert, have increased stamina and concentration, blood pressure reduced, ulcers overcome and the walls of my blood vessels will be shielded. According to the guide, the goodness I have taken in from the teas will also prevent my insomnia, treat my constipation and overcome my diarrhoea, help with my weight loss and cure my penile impotence, which is excellent! I wondered about asking if he actually knew what that meant but he was so enthusiastic and pleased to get us to taste it all, I didn’t like to upset him. Quite the medical miracle of a morning. There was no comment made on the fact that all the coffees had been sweetened with sugar and the teas with honey syrup. I’m sure that’s all good for me too!

On my final day, I enjoyed a lie in and read on my balcony while I waited to see if the morning downpours were just for the morning … fortunately they were so as it eased, I went first in search of brunch (delicious) and then spent many hours browsing the shops and markets. Sales techniques tend to comprise a combination of saying ‘hello, just looking, look [insert name of whatever random item they’ve picked up or are gesturing at] repetitively and then when you do stop and look, coming to stand uncomfortably close to you, often continuing the ‘look look’ monologue. I find both of these terribly unsuccessful so I tend to avoid these vendors. The dream is finding an empty stall or entirely comatose vendor so you can spend some time poking about. Increasingly, as the day progresses, some of the stall holders will have a nap on a heap of their goods at the back of the their stall or are sitting watching some screechy video on their phone which can work as a good distraction. So much so that at the place I found a particularly excellent souvenir at, standing in front of her, waving it about, throat clearing and an ‘excuse me’ provoked no response. I had to give her a little poke to get her attention! In the shops, there are set prices and at the markets, you haggle. I am no good at haggling and intensely dislike it - I tend to go for this:

Me: how much is this?

Vendor: how much you want it for?

Me: [immediately annoyed] so give a ridiculously low price equivalent to 10p

Vendor: oh no! Too low!

Me: well how much do you want then?

Vendor: you tell me

Me: I already have, you said no. What’s the lowest price?

Vendor: usually gives a price of several 100,000 equivalent to between £10-£15.

Me: no that’s far too high, please be reasonable

Vendor: how much you want then?

Me: it’s ok [annoyed so start to walk away]

Vendor: ok, ok, - offer a price half the original starting point

Me: me, no it’s ok [continue walking off]

At this point, they’ll either bring the price down to a more reasonable amount and we conduct a sale - or they let me walk off. Either way is fine as every item is for sale in almost every shop so you can find a reasonable price if you really want to. Some of the items are fairly authentic, some of them considerably less so. It’s all a massive tourist industry of generally low quality tat but it does also support a mass of locals who survive on their sales. I overheard an Aussie woman haggling and agreeing a price of 300,000 rupiah for 3x little, crap ‘I ❤️ Bali’ magnets. She seemed pleased to have got him down and thrilled with her purchase. The vendor was absolutely made up since he’d just sold three magnets for £15! When they do make a sale, particularly the first one of the day, they will then take the money and go round touching it to everything on their stall and those of the people’s around them as they believe it brings luck for the rest of the day. The first customer is an important one for them.

It’s an interesting mix of beautiful art markets, genuine products being weaved and made my the stall holders and then also a whole heap of things which may not be entirely authentic or based on the ancient Indonesian or Balinese cultures - but I guess they sell well. A walk up the street will include beautiful temples and gardens as well as hazardous pavements - often being used for storage or just done away with entirely. You can play ‘spot the authentic goods’, buy yourself a massive new knife and then pop to the ‘corner-shop’ for any snacks, treats, drinks … and also a quick petrol fill up - another slight potential pavement hazard!

After Ubud, my next stop is back to the beach, to Sanur on the south west coast of Bali, where I will stay for another 5 nights. I got the hotel in Ubud to book me a taxi as having done some checking, it is the same price for the transfer regardless of whether I booked it via booking .com, haggled with a random man on the street who claimed to have a car and be willing to give me a lift or arrange it through the hotel! At least this way, they should know where to pick me up from then it will just be finding the place in Sanur that I’ll have to help with as that’s not, apparently, something you can expect of a taxi driver!

Back on the coast and the sunshine was there waiting. I found my garden hut (I’m in the upstairs room), got myself down to the beach and a chocolate milkshake - and even had a walk around the seafront and found a statue of myself! Next two days will be diving so a couple of early starts comings up!